Andres Fuentes
13. Karate, Zombies, Videogames, Dubstep, Bacon.
Andres Fuentes
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animalstalkinginallcaps:

WELCOME BACK TO BNN NEWS, YOUR UP-TO-THE-MINUTE SOURCE FOR EVERYTHING NEWSWORTHY. I’M BRIAN ANDROCONIA AND WE’RE HERE WITH RIVETING NEW UPDATES REGARDING THE DISAPPEARANCE OF FLOWER GH760, LAST SEEN IN THE HENDERSONS’ GARDEN EARLY TUESDAY MORNING. AUTHORITIES CAN’T CONFIRM IF THE FLOWER WAS CUT BY THE HENDERSONS THEMSELVES OR PICKED BY A PASSING STRANGER, NOR DID ANYONE SEE ITS REMOVAL, SO I’LL ACTUALLY JUST BE LISTING OFF NUMEROUS OTHER POSSIBILITIES RANGING FROM THE MILDLY LIKELY TO THE PATENTLY RIDICULOUS, INTERSPERSED WITH MANY INVENTIVE REPHRASINGS OF THE TWO CONCRETE DETAILS WE DO POSSESS, WHICH ARE BASICALLY THAT THERE USED TO BE A FLOWER AND NOW IT’S GONE, NONSTOP FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE AND CALLING THOSE THINGS UPDATES. GOD IT’S A GREAT TIME TO BE A JOURNALIST.
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animalstalkinginallcaps:

SINCE YOU BEEN GONE!
I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME!
I’M SO MOVING ON! 
YEAH YEAH!
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animalstalkinginallcaps:

CAN WE PLEASE QUIT PLAYING OUT SOME ELABORATE MODERN MATING RITUAL OF TUMBLR LIKES AND TWITTER RETWEETS AND JUST OPENLY ADMIT THAT WE WANT TO GET TOGETHER AND DO SOME SHIT TO EACH OTHER THAT NORMALLY ONLY HAPPENS IN USHER SONGS?
PLEASE?
MY KEYBOARD IS FALLING APART.
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animalstalkinginallcaps:

BYE YOU GUYS. DRIVE SAFE. IT WAS REALLY GOOD SEEING YOU.
EVER SINCE THE DIVORCE I’VE JUST BEEN SO LONEL- 
YEAH, YOU’RE GONE. I’M JUST GOING TO STOP TALKING NOW.
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animalstalkinginallcaps:

BARBARA! WOW, WHAT A SURPRISE! COME ON IN! I WAS JUST COPY/PASTING HOROSCOPES FROM ASTROLOGY WEBSITES AND PUTTING THEM ON FACEBOOK SO EVERYONE CAN PLAN THEIR WEEK. AFTER THAT I WAS GOING TO GO ON ALL MY KIDS’ PAGES AND TELL THEM I LOVE THEM IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OF THEIR COLLEGE PARTY PHOTOS, BUT I CAN SKIP THAT IF YOU WANT TO GO TO OLIVE GARDEN OR SOMETHING. JUST LET ME FORWARD THIS CHAIN EMAIL TO MY CONTACTS LIST AND I’LL GRAB MY COAT. 
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animalstalkinginallcaps:

YOU’VE GOT A STAIN RIGHT THERE ON YOUR SHIRT. 
IT’S LIKE … MUSTARD OR SOMETHING. I DON’T KNOW.
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Capri #thebest #venezuela #hayuncamino #anzoategui #arrecho #laica #elflaco #presidente #2012 #hoy #marcha #cierre #campaña (Taken with Instagram)
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animalstalkinginallcaps:

WELCOME HOME. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE IN A BAD MOOD FROM WORKING SO HARD SO I CREATED MANY FUN SURPRISES FOR YOU ALL OVER THE HOUSE.
SEVERAL SURPRISES WERE MADE INSIDE MY OWN BODY, WHICH IS VERY CLOSE TO MY HEART, SPATIALLY.
SEVERAL OTHERS ARE ART PROJECTS I MADE USING SIMPLE HOUSEHOLD ITEMS LIKE YOUR TRASH, THE FLAVORLESS MARSHMALLOW STUFF INSIDE THE COUCH, AND THE CONTENTS OF THE PANTRY.
THANK YOU FOR NOT SHUTTING THE PANTRY DOOR, BY THE WAY. THERE WERE SO MANY USEFUL ART SUPPLIES IN THERE.
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Oh oh oh oh oh ok